I feel sick to my stomach this aching pain has begun ato gain more an more prevelance and there is chance that I might keel over but just when I think that I'm about to die I find that the pain slows to a crawl and I haul off and cry because I knoiw that this seems like it's going to last forever and I've never really found happinessunless it's in the thoughts of my end but when I try I find that I can't even do that right because at the end of the night
I'm just sick...sick in the head sick in the heart sick of all this shit sick of the pain sick of my life and I think that it's about time to clear up all this hipe because I think that everyone should know that I'm nothing special
I'm just special ed and when the day ends darwin said survival of the fittest so I belong dead. There is no place for someone like me can't you see that I belong in a cage...a murderous drug addict prick son of a junkie and I'm growing up to be more and more like the ones I hate and of late I find that the only one I hate is me and I
can't see anything else but the end I feel sick

i know in my heart that i am similiar to him... but i am not him... i can never be exactly like him... ive had a different life... therefore i shall grow being similiar...
perhaps i will become worse...

ma says that having all the peaces of paper in my room is un healthy... i wonder if it really is...

im always talking about him...

~ghost~ searching the past for his beloveds heart

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard

Work was so boring. I was put on office duty because I had to do a few things before our charting system went down. I am a super user so I had to get things ready for tonight. THe last four hours I got called off. I came home and
everyone had a frown. Something must have appened but no one was talking. I don't think I am going tomorrow. I am going to pretend to work though from 11a-7p. My friend is supposed to give me a free message for an hour which is nice. After that I am going to workout for three hours. I
have eaten too much in the last three days. I don't think I would want to stay home anyways. I don't want to be depressed with them.

Man I nearly snapped tonight...so close...I probably would have if I hadn't forced myself to stay out on the wing for majority of the game...think Grant was annoyed that I stayed on the wing so much but if I hadn't I just know I would've lost it. Half time was bad enough, I was just barely responsive to Grant...he was lucky to have gotten that much out of me...I was very tempted to just up and disappear for a while to be honest...I know the area well and I know a few little spots I could've hid where they wouldn't have found me...

I hate to imagine my blood pressure levels right now...they must be through the roof...

No wonder someone said I should go see a counsellor...

Can't wait till tomorrow night and Thursday night...

What do you do, then, with those moments when, without there being obvious, identifiable constraints on your actions, nothing seems possible?

It hardly makes sense to complain, and in any event, complaints are rarely worthwhile.

A brisk and businesslike plan of action means nothing, when you cannot even characterize the situation, let alone identify those elements which would lend themselves to action.

It is, I suppose, always possible to say, Hey, world, Kiss my ass! But then again, if you do that, the world is going to know that you're really just begging for it to notice you.

i hate my life . i hate work . i just want to sleep . go home . hide away in a corner and cry . but i can't .